There are times when you're putting your baby to sleep, and simultaneously taking a journey down the memory lane. Nothing related to your childhood, or your Mommy's lullabies; just pondering about what you could undo and what you could have done better. You crave to fix a couple of things and torture your mind by thinking about ways to fix what you can never fix. And you want to do all this by making sure that you don't end up with a different present, because the present that you have is perfect - a loving husband and a beautiful daughter. So you quit thinking about changing the past, not because it is unchangeable, but because you are afraid of ruining your present.
I feel that I should have spent more time with parents, been less selfish, and saved more money. I can always do this now, so that five years down the line, I'm not busy thinking about undoing the past while I'm singing a lullaby for my kids.
I should have been sleeping now...
I feel that I should have spent more time with parents, been less selfish, and saved more money. I can always do this now, so that five years down the line, I'm not busy thinking about undoing the past while I'm singing a lullaby for my kids.
I should have been sleeping now...
there's one way i have started to perceive things so that this sense of thinking to fix some things in the past doesn't affect me much: what happened or what you did was right in that moment no matter how stupid or meaningless it may seem now because experiences add to your life and like Ruma had said in my post, perspectives change with time, always, so don't let all that let you lose your sleep. of course, it's easier said than done but i guess, at some point, we should just forgive ourselves and really, live in the moment, don't you think? :) and it's fine to feel this way while you try to figure out that some things can never be fixed.
ReplyDeleteLiving in the present sure helps stay centered. The past and the future induce thoughts, the present induces actions.
ReplyDelete3 years of Staying away from family I have the same regrets. Should have - "spent more time with parents, been less selfish, and saved more money."
ReplyDeleteIt's human nature to gloat over the past. Even while knowing that it is unchangeable. We try our best to do whatever we missed out as kids, and give it all in generous helpings to our children. Today's children are so much more lucky that way. Not only do they get more of parental attention, but before them lies a sea of opportunities, that only they will know how, when and why to choose. It is true that living the present is so difficult a thing to practice. I share with you some thoughts from Swami Vivekananda's interpretation of the nature of the hunan mind:
ReplyDelete"How hard it is to control the mind! Well has it been compared to the maddened monkey? There was a monkey, restless by his own nature, as all monkeys are. As if that were not enough, someone made him drink freely of wine, so that he became still more restless. Then a scorpion stung him. When a man is stung by a scorpion, he jumps about for a whole day; so the poor monkey found his condition worse than ever. To complete his misery a demon entered into him.
What language can describe the uncontrollable restlessness of that monkey?
The human mind is like that monkey, incessantly active by its own nature; then it becomes drunk with the wine of desire, thus increasing its turbulence. After desire takes possession, comes the sting of the scorpion of jealousy at the success of others, and last of all the demon of pride enters the mind, making it think itself of all importance. How hard to control such a mind!
Swami Vivekananda
That monkey example is good, Di! The mind business is crazy! :)
Delete